Dr. Neekburn Our Beloved Founder Lunatic or Visionary (1889 - 1842)?
IN 1887 DOCTOR FRONZEL AMBROSE NEEKBURN & LORENZO FLABBERSHAM, two veteran prospectors arrived in Southeast Alaska (later to be known as The City and Burrough of Juneau) to investigate native accounts of mysterious animals
with golden wings atop the settlement's ill-famed Thunder Mountain. The pair traded their rations with the local Indians for large quantities of Hoochinoo (home brew) and never got far from the beach. But when Neekburn climbed a tree to avoid an angry creditor, his eye caught a movement in the clear summer sky-something he would later claim to be flying turtles. Neekburn split partnership with Flabbersham and founded Holistic Forge & Mercantile Turtle Works in early 1888. In half legible letters written to Flabbersham, Neekburn claimed to have made contact with
a mysterious race of super-intelligent flying turtles who seem to be invisible to everybody but myself. He continues:
I am secretly learning from them their method of manipulating the very fabric of our reality
Struggles & Triumphs: An Impossible Dream
As Dr. Neekburn became less coherent, his goal of a dominant world presence was surpassed only by his desire for assaulting political opposition with expended salmon carcasses; leading to his untimely death by way of defenestration1. Forward thinking relatives, and with support of Flabbersham's sister company Pompeii Forge, it was decided to continue on with Neekburn's mighty corporation as: Holistic Forge Works.
Dr. Neekburn lived in a time of wood, brass and steam; yet, could he have anticipated the futurist wonderment his company would eventually be responsible for? Today Holistic Forge Works is still strong, offering its diverse services to the happy men & women of practical, modern thinking2.
|Significance||Document Name||File Type|
|Paramount||Original Flying Turtle Notes||Jpeg|
|Paramount||Baby Neekburn Lives||HTML|
|Average||The Foster Child||HTML|
|Average||Rival Sea Kings||HTML|
|Moderate||A Pyrrhic Victory||HTML|
|Moderate||Making Ink From Mushrooms — Part I||PNG|
|Moderate||Making Ink From Mushrooms — Part II||PNG|
|Moderate||Original Play from 1884 (Inner Beauty)||Jpeg|
|Moderate||Original Play from 1883 (Love + Tragedy)||Jpeg|
1de·fen·es·tra·tion n. An act of throwing someone or something out of a window.
2Modern Thinking™ is the reference to Holistic Forge Work's core problem solving methodology.
- Holistic Forge Works was founded in 1888 by Dr. Fronzel Ambrose Neekburn. For 117 years, HFW has stood for purity and great taste. It remained headquartered in Juneau, Alaska until 1997. Today, its Chairman, President and CEO is a shadowy figure known as The Webmaster.
- The last Neekburn family member to be involved in management with the company was Blitzen Fischer Neekburn Jr., who served as the company's chairman until his untimely death at a lighter-than-air steam shovel demonstration in 1931. Since that time, no Neekburn family member has been employed by the company and none has served on its board of directors.
- The late Senator W. Hellespont Neekburn III (Alaska - Socialist) did work briefly in the 1960s in the company's phantom works department before embarking upon his career in politics. He was tragically killed in a lighter-than-air steam shovel demonstration reenactment, accident in 1981.
- As befits a global corporation with thousands of employees in the United States and around the world, HFW is non-partisan and politically independent. Holistic Forge Works makes quality products and is not politically, religiously, ethnically affiliated.
Who is RR Anderson?
Holistic Forge Works is a huge corporation; thus we have a whole department of employees working on our website. Pay no attention to The Man Behind the Curtain
|Dr. Fronzel Neekburn||Founding Father||HFW origin story||true neutral|
|Dr. Lorenzo Flabbersham||Founding Father & founder of rival Pompeii Forge||HFW origin story||neutral good|
|Joe Galaxy||Space Guy||Adventures of Joe Galaxy||True Good|
|Sparky McNut||Robot Sidekick||Adventures of Joe Galaxy||True Good|
|Quothos||Brain in Jar||Adventures of Joe Galaxy||Evil|
|Captain Cosmos||Space Guy||Holistic Crusades of Captain Cosmos||neutral good|
|FLOYD||Robot Custodian||Holistic Crusades of Captain Cosmos||neutral|
|Trillian Verily||Space Woman||Holistic Crusades of Captain Cosmos||Good|
|Doctor Malign||Mad Scientist||Holistic Crusades of Captain Cosmos||Evil|
|The Prospector||Time Lord||Holistic Crusades of Captain Cosmos||chaotic good|
|Lord Froghammer||Barbarian with a mallard duck head, 4 arms||??||neutral good|
|Rex Rerun||Private Detective||Rex Rerun Lives!||neutral good|
|Gwen||Mystery Girl||Rex Rerun Lives!||chaotic neutral|
|Captain Poopdeck||Sea Captain||Rex Rerun Lives!||chaotic neutral|
|Squidman||Mutant Squid||Rex Rerun Lives!||chaotic neutral|
|Anna (aka LYNX)||Russian Spy||Rex Rerun Lives!||evil|
|Dr. Purgwell||Mutant Walrus||Rex Rerun Lives!||true neutral|
|The Flaming Tambourine||Real Life Super Hero||Rex Rerun Lives!||true good|
|Jascadet||Time Traveller||Rex Rerun Lives!||true good|
|Infundibular Man||Real Life Super Villain||Rex Rerun Lives!||evil|
|Wha Guru Chew||Mutant/Cyborg?||Rex Rerun Lives!||chaotic evil|
|Rex Veto||Rex's Evil Twin||Rex Rerun Lives!||true evil|
|Immoral Pumpkin||Real Life Super Villain||Rex Rerun Lives!||evil|
|The Bad Archers||Husband + Wife Villains||Rex Rerun Lives!||evil|
|Captain Space Dog||Mutant Space Captain||Space Dog||True Good|
|Number 13||Cyborg Cat Crew||Space Dog||True Good|
|Number 14||Cyborg Cat Crew||Space Dog||True Good|
|Murdock||Dinosaur Bounty Hunter||Space Dog||chaotic evil|
|Admiral Space Dog||Fleet Commander||Space Dog||neutral good|
|Darryl the G.H.E.Y. Owl||Anti-Gun Violence/Gun Safety Mascott||Tacomic||true good|
|Whorebot||Garfield Cyborg||Tacomic||chaotic neutral|
|O.J.||Talking Raven||Tacomic||neutral good|
|Joel||Talking Raven||Tacomic||neutral good|
|Commander RR||Kid's Drawing Show TV Host + Space Captain||Learn 2 Draw||chaotic good|
|Muffy||1st Mate, Puppet Dog Head Celestial Being||Learn 2 Draw||true good|
|Stowebot 9000||Robot||Learn 2 Draw||chaotic good|
|Lord Xenu||Alien Ghost God who Haunts Space||Learn 2 Draw||true evil|
|Dwight D. Potbelly aka "IKE"||Magic Potbelly Stove (Fire Demon)||Our Friend The Stove||neutral evil|
|Hieronymus D. Turtle aka "Herbie or Herb"||Magic Flying Turtle (Earth Mother Spirt)||Our Friend The Stove||true good|
|Illuminati the All-Seer aka "Lum"||Mystical OMNIPOTENT Pyramid||Our Friend The Stove||true neutral|
|Work Dog||Skilled Laborer + Labrador||Our Friend The Stove||neutral good|
|Hamburger H8tr||Despotic Cheeseburger Dictator||Our Friend The Stove||true evil|
|Professor Chaste||Anti-Masturbation Hotdog Wizard Monk||Our Friend The Stove||true good|
|The Hairy Mermaid||comic-strip within a comic-strip||Our Friend The Stove||true good|