Sales Department PLUS _{Turtle Farm & Logo Merchandise}

Offical HFW Fan Club Membership (w/bonus membership kit)

JOIN RANK with the elite Flying Penciler Cadet Squadron™, you get: early access and perks at official HFW events! First looks and sneak peeks at new HFW projects! Membership includes an exclusive bonus membership kit* (pictured above). Plus more virtual extras!

List Price: $13.37
Availability: In Stock!

*Bonus Membership Kit as Seen on TeeVee

1. Secret HFW Member ID Badge
2. Personally hand typed Secret Message from Tacoma's only cartoonist RR Anderson
3. Information on where to send even more money
4. GREAT FISH Idol, Autographed Cardboard Cutout
5. Media Mail Envelope
6. Compact disc of every Tacomic available at the time of membership

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Alligator Snapping Turtle®

This heavy-industry class beauty is genetically enhanced to a hefty 15 tons. Whether you're ship-breaking in a 3rd world country or planning that perfect get away for you and the family, this model is ideal for all your incredibly large turtle needs.
_{WARNING: Notice to All Customers}

List Price: $47,000.00
Availability: Out of Stock

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Mexican Painted Turtle®

Go south of the border with class atop this sporty 3 ton aquatic cruiser; they practically drive themselves (Do not operate this turtle in Mexico)!
_{WARNING: Notice to All Customers}

List Price: $9,000.00
Availability: Out of Stock

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Eastern Painted Box Turtle®

Our flagship turtle, this popular partially aquatic 6 ton model is ideal for most home or small business applications. Life span of 40-100 years!
_{WARNING: Notice to All Customers}

List Price: $20,000.00
Availability: Out of Stock

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INSTA-FARM® World's Only Farm in a Can!™

A Fast & Potent bacterium laced foam, INSTA-FARM® Digests pretty much everything into a protein rich, amino acid soup--the building blocks of omnipotent godlike creation!
_{WARNING: Notice to All Customers}

List Price: $19.95 Free With Purchase!
Availability: Pending (banned by 23 International Treaties)

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^{Civilization Calls:} REAL Testimonials

I am not gay, nor am I bisexual, but when I went to holistic forge works .com I felt a little queer.

~ Daniel Blue, Urban Poet/Fashion Designer

Your work has certainly stirred emotion and cannot be considered boring. Few art reviews have enough passion for the reviewer to use the all caps key throughout the entire review. Yet, yours apparently did.

~ Erik Bjornson, The Tacoma Urbanist™

Your show was great and the turnout was great and I'm so glad lots and lots of people could see your work! Also, very nice family you have; I hope they enjoyed themselves tonight. Thanks for all the effort, Ryan... I have never been at a gathering where the term 'steam donkey' came up so often in conversation.

~ Lisa Kinoshita, Mineral Studio Owner

Mr. Anderson is a designer, illustrator, and cartoonist by profession. His comments tend to be out in left field, but it makes this place interesting. Generally speaking, however, these comments are ignored by many of us (sorry Mr. Anderson). Note to self: Don't piss off a cartoonist. The results can be unpredictable.

~ Derek, Exit133

Bravo for the nice work Mr. Anderson as I think you've successfully made a powerful point without any name-calling or slander. P.S. - For June (and as has been the trend) the Tacomic is the 4th most popular single stop over at FeedTacoma. Well done, my friend.

~ Kevin Freitas, FeedTacoma.com

Congratulations [whatever] your own personal bathroom joke. You have not demonstrated any kind of civic responsibility or maturity, and both the History Museum and the City of Tacoma should ignore your screeching.

~ Anonymous

Seems your career objectives don't carry over into your personal life. You say you respect, challenge and inspire individuals? [blah blah blah] Narrow-mindedness and exclusivity will not help Tacoma reach its full potential. It's sad to see such a talented guy take such cheap shots. Who else do you alienate by disagreeing with your perceptions of their live-styles?

~ Condominium Owner, Tacoma WA

You truly are devoid of comedy and talent. In the illustration department you are far from even reaching mediocrity. I will admit that you are okay in the iron works field. Foremost, get over yourself, for you will never reach any heights in the fields of painting, illustration or truly, even 3-D animation/modeling. I feel sorry to have to tell you this, but I stumbled upon your site to find nothing even close to meriting it's use of valuable web space. So please just shoot yourself now. For the r [sic]

~ Anonymous

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Notice to All Customers

All our products are dangerous and must be carefully handled and used following approved safety procedures either by or under the direction of competent, experienced persons in accordance with all applicable federal, state, and local laws, regulations and ordinances. If, after carefully reading this entire notice, you have any questions or doubts as to how to use any HFW product; Contact Us.

1. Verify that the surrounding area is clear of personnel and obstructions before you operate turtles.
2. Restrict noise and conversation to the minimum required to perform feeding cycle.
3. Do not stand or walk under suspended turtles.
4. Do not raise turtles higher or suspend them longer than necessary.
5. Keep turtles as level as possible AND do not allow turtles to contact any personnel or equipment during lifting.
6. Use turtles in well-ventilated areas. Vapors of most turtles are toxic if inhaled in large quantities for extended periods. Wash your hands thoroughly with soap and warm water after use.
7. Ground yourself immediately before you touch an electrical connector or wire connected to a turtle by making bare skin-to-shell contact with the turtle.
8. Do not connect or disconnect energized electrical connectors unless you are directed to do so by authorized procedural documentation.
9. Keep the digestion system free of foreign material to prevent the spontaneous combustion of oil or other carbonaceous material with hot, highly compressed gas. Be sure that no sparks, open flames, or other sources of ignition are present during maintenance.